I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Are we still banned from the library?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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