My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
