She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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