Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
