it was like his penis was on wheels.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
