dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
