Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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