Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
