People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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