I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize