she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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