He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
