So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
