He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
