i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
