also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
