So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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