So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
