What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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