Where is the hickey?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
