its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
