laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Boobs are out for the taking
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
