I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
