I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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