Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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