im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
