if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize