How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
