Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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