Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
