remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
