Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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