I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
