I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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