if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
