There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
