I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
