sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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