I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I cannot find my penis.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
