I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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