well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
