i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
