My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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