I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
