I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
