What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
