apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
farters have to be the big spoon...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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