I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
