awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
