Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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