VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
