so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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