It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
