I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
