all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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