I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
