dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
