checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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