This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
