I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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