I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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