I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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