Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
