I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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