So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize