Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize