So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
