you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
